


Phoenix

by queensusan



Series: Pranks and Consequences [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Fix-It, Honeymoon, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:55:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4418369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queensusan/pseuds/queensusan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James visits Severus at Spinner's End and discovers just how bad things are at home.  A proposal is made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phoenix

Even the most optimistic of salesmen did not bother with Spinner's End, and drug dealers didn't tend to knock on the door in the middle of the afternoon. Eileen was not on speaking terms with the neighbors, had no friends, and talked to her husband as little as possible. Therefore it was Eileen's voice that alerted him to a visitor, well before the boyish, carefree tone reached his ears and filled his heart with terror and desire. 

Severus thundered down the stairs, taking the steps three at a time and shuddering to a halt on the dusty landing. His mother's emaciated frame held the door open a crack, and from just above her thin graying hair he could see familiar tousled brown. 

“James?” he squawked, and Eileen took a step back, looking warily back at Severus, her expression unreadable. James' eyes brightened as they landed on Severus. 

“Severus!” James cried happily and much too loudly, and both Eileen and Severus cringed, simultaneously casting worried glances over at the sitting room where Tobias was sleeping off the previous night's overindulgence.

James, beginning to sense the tension between them, was looking nervously between Eileen and Severus. “Um. I came to see you, Severus. May I come in?” 

Eileen was shaking her head fretfully. “I don't think that's a good idea...” she began, but was interrupted by a shuffle and thump from the sitting room. Severus groaned in horror, and rushed across the landing to flee with James- too late!

Tobias, looking like an animated scarecrow, had dragged himself to the door, his expression thunderous. “Fuck- this?” he garbled, still obviously too drunk to do more than convey his indignation through grunts and single syllable exclamations.

Severus was caught. To leave would only incite his father's fury, which he'd take out on his mother, but to stay would be to expose James to even more of his shameful home life.

Severus quietly seethed before schooling his features into stony impassivity. “This is my friend from school, Dad,” he muttered.

Tobias blinked his eyes and tried to focus on the boy. Severus knew James' clearly well cared for appearance would only anger his father more, and began to edge towards the door, to escape with James before it could get worse.

“Friend,” he snorted. “You have those?” Another thought seemed to occur to him, thoughts Severus had hoped he'd thoroughly obliviated from his memory. “The one you stayed with? Got all tarted up for?”

Severus gritted his teeth, but saw no other way to get out of it. He could have almost wept with despair and frustration, that old impotence when faced with an unfix-able situation rearing up inside him. “Yes, sir.”

Tobias leveled James with a nasty look. “My own son, a goddamn faggot. Get the fuck out of my house.”

Tiny explosions burst behind Severus' eyes. “That's right!” he shouted, getting right up in his father's face, now almost as tall as him. “I'm a cocksucker and I _like_ it!”

The blow came out of nowhere, knocking Severus out of Tobias' path with a strength one wouldn't have expected from a middle aged alcoholic. The second punch was blocked, though. Through a haze Severus saw James, his face cold and determined, bracing Tobias' raised arm with both of his own.

Gasping in thick breaths, Severus struggled to get his wand out of his back pocket. Eileen beat him to it, though.

“Obliviate,” she said tightly, and Tobias' infuriated stare blanked out. Before Tobias was able to focus on her her wand had vanished and she was gently prying James off her husband. “Bed time,” she told her husband stonily, and Tobias, still confused, allowed himself to be lead back into the sitting room.

Severus' ears were still ringing and helpless tears were burning his eyes, but he turned angrily on James. He grabbed the front of James' shirt and dragged him roughly out the front door. The boy followed him without resisting, but Severus did not let him go until he'd drug him into the dark and vomit stinking alley between his house and the one next to it. 

“Severus,” James gasped, reaching out for him as soon as he was released, his hands outstretched. “Your head.” He managed to tenderly cup Severus' face before Severus pushed him off with a snarl.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here? Why did you come here? Why did you have to do that?” Severus knew he was talking too much, but his whole body was trembling with adrenaline and despair, like the world as he knew it was over. 

James opened his mouth and closed it a couple times, but nothing came out.

More tears, of pain and humiliation, squeezed their way out of his eyes. “How did you even _find_ me?” 

“Severus, please,” James whispered, coming closer again, until he'd put his hands back on Severus and not been shaken off. His fingers were featherlight as they stroked his face and petted his hair. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry,” he begged.

Severus closed his eyes and sealed his mouth, waiting, and after a moment James began hesitantly, the voice of someone who knew they'd been arrogant and presumptive.

“You told me you lived in Spinner's End, and when you wouldn't give me your address in your last owl-” Severus scoffed, and James paused guiltily before continuing, “I thought I'd surprise you. I wanted to see you Severus, school doesn't start for two weeks. I, um, knocked on doors until someone knew the Snapes living in Spinner's End. I didn't know. I'm so sorry.”

Severus thought bitterly of how he'd accidentally revealed where he lived when he'd visited James earlier in the summer, never for a moment imagining what it would lead to. “And you didn't think it was for a _reason_ I wouldn't give you my address?”

James hadn't removed his hands from gently cradling Severus' face, but he could feel the boy tense. “I... shit. Severus, I thought you were just embarrassed 'cause you're poor. I thought you didn't want me to see your house, or something, but I don't care about that. I just wanted to see you.”

Severus opened his eyes. “Well now you've seen me,” he said coldly. All of him, even the things he'd tried so hard to hide. 

James took a deep breath and ran his thumbs over Severus' cheekbones. The left side of his face felt swollen and bruised, but the brush of fingers on his skin was sweet. “I didn't know and I'm sorry. That was so fucking stupid of me to just show up. I knew you didn't want me to come, but I wanted to see you and I was selfish. I thought you'd be glad enough to see me you'd forgive me. I'm sorry.”

Severus opened his mouth, and found he had no retort. The apology was too sincere and humble for even he to find fault with. He felt suddenly lighter and a little unanchored, the weight of his bitter secret lifted now that it was no longer a hidden shame. James knew almost everything about him now, and he wasn't turning away from him.

“I used Legillimency against you,” Severus blurted, almost before he knew he was going to say it. His heart froze in astonishment, before realizing he had to commit to it. “While we're.. apologizing. I was learning it at the beginning of last year. I can't go very deep yet, but I... well. Practiced on you, for a while.”

James' face was furrowed in confusion and slowly dawning realization. He withdrew his hands, leaving Severus' cheeks cold. “You- what? You were, wait. Reading my mind?”

Severus frowned and lifted a shoulder. “It's not really like that. I couldn't go very deep with you or you'd have know. Just surface thoughts, feelings, images.”

James' face was undergoing a fascinating shift, from confusion to horror and betrayal. “You were _reading my mind_?” he said again, this time his voice a little higher.

Severus clenched his teeth. Why had he done this? A part of him wondered if he'd said it to turn James against him, or to test him. How far could he push him before he turned away, stopped loving him? He lifted his chin. “Yes. I saw things you'd never have wanted me to know. I knew it, and I did it anyway.”

James' mouth dropped open as a new idea obviously occurred to him. “You mean, you know-”

“That Remus Lupin is a werewolf and that you and your friends are animagi? Yes, I know.”

James made a noise like a scalded cat. He looked like he was about to explode. “You- you!” Then a new expression came over his face. “You... never told anyone. You couldn't have. He'd have been expelled. Why didn't you? You hate Remus.”

Severus shook his head mutely. “I didn't care about Remus,” he admitted. “And I still think he's going to kill someone and you're a bunch of bloody Gryffindor idiots, but... _you'd_ have been expelled too. And I knew you'd never forgive me.” He wasn't sure James would forgive him now, given the look on his face. “I stopped, if it makes any difference.”

“When did you stop?”

“When you told me you loved me.” 

James expelled a harsh breath, looking past Severus' shoulder at the grungy and broken bricks behind him. Severus took short, painful breaths, awaiting an explosion of temper or forgiveness. 

James' expression smoothed out. “That's pretty fucked up. I can't believe- God, some of the shit you must have seen. But. Yeah, it makes a difference.” He took a step closer, getting right up into Severus' face. He cupped his face again, bringing him close to him, so their eyes were inches apart. “Read my mind now.”

Severus wanted to scoff and explain _again_ that it wasn't like reading a book, but James' eyes were too compelling. Severus stared into his eyes and let himself sink in, deeper than he'd ever dared before. A cacophony of emotions assaulted him: concern and pity for Severus, anger and indignation for Tobias and Eileen. But overriding all over emotions was something intense and passionate. It wasn't without tenderness; but it was obsessive and consuming, too. 

It was also dark and disturbing in its intensity. James was in no way indifferent to Severus, in absolutely any aspect. He adored him, it was there for him to see. He was not blind to Severus' faults; perversely, he loved his faults, even the most repellent of them. 

It was so powerful it shocked Severus, for on the surface James' thoughts often seemed shallow and uncomplicated. Seeing so deeply into his innermost thoughts revealed parts of James he hadn't known existed. It felt like too much; like he couldn't bear to mean so much to someone else, and yet he felt an answering surge of devotion raising up to meet James, realizing that looking in his mind was like looking in a mirror. 

“This is love?” he murmured, blinking rapidly to draw himself out of James' web.

James crowded even closer, if possible. He rested their foreheads together, even though Severus was forced to stoop his neck to meet him. “Yes,” he murmured, his breath brushing against his lips.

“Sometimes I don't feel that different than when I hated you,” Severus said, remembering how passionately he'd been dominated by his hatred of James before more possessive emotions had taken their place. 

James let out a surprised chuckle. “I know what you mean. It has some... similarities. Only, now I feel like I'd kill anyone who hurt you, and back then I was the one hurting you.”

“Then maybe I love you too,” he said on an exhale, finally able to meet James' eye when he pulled back to look at him. He'd seen his thoughts; he knew he took no risks.

James studied his face, judging his sincerity, then a wide grin spread over his face. “We should get married.”

Severus had to blink a few times before the words sunk in. When he did his eyebrows crashed down like thunder. “Have you lost your fucking mind?” he snarled. “We're seventeen years old. We can't get married!”

“Well we could, actually,” James teased, his hands on Severus keeping him from backing away. “We're adults. But... well, maybe not immediately. Just, one day. Not too long from now, mind you. I want you, and I want everyone to know who you belong to.”

Severus knew they didn't have the kind of relationship a healthy marriage should be built on, but another part of him writhed in ecstasy; it was a jealous, greedy part of him, like a dragon reveling in his golden horde. “Yes,” he hissed, before his brain could work over it too much. “After we've graduated.”

“I'll be in the Auror program, and you'll be apprenticing with Master Micklethwaite. We'll get a cheap Muggle flat and live on pot noodles and beans.”

Severus gave an indulgent sigh, too pleased to be much upset by anything now, even James' fanciful and impractical fantasies. “You're going to be terrible at being poor.”

James laughed, as carefree as a boy. Severus tried to remember why the idea of being eighteen years old and _married_ to James Potter was an atrocious idea, before he was laughing too. “You're insane, Potter.”

“You're the one that agreed to marry me. What does that make you?”

Severus groaned, but didn't shy away when James slipped his arms around him and brought him down for a quick kiss on the lips. “It makes me even more insane.” James kissed him again, longer this time, and Severus allowed it for a few moments too long before pushing him reluctantly away. “We can't do this here. If someone sees and tells my father there will be hell to pay.”

James' face darkened perceptibly. “Severus, you aren't going back. Mum and Dad won't care if you come again before school starts. You don't ever have to go back there.”

Severus' stomach flopped, nerves and adrenaline. He never wanted to go back to the house he was raised in (he couldn't call it a home), and yet... 

He was shaking his head before the fluttery, light feeling in his stomach had completely disappeared. “Not with Sirius there,” he said, but not harshly, because even he could see how genuinely concerned James was. “At least I'm used to dealing with my father. And there isn't much he can do to me now that I can use magic at home.”

James bit his lip, clearly uncertain. “And your mother?” he asked hesitantly.

The light, happy feeling inside him collapsed like a deflated balloon. “She won't leave,” he said flatly. “I've done everything I could to convince her, but...” He shrugged helplessly, and then, because he'd never allowed himself to talk about this to _anyone,_ not even Lily, he found himself spilling it all out, spewed like vomit. 

“She's so goddamn pathetic, James. She could be so much more. She's a _witch_ for Merlin's sake, why would she stay with that heap of dragon dung? I think she hates him- at least as much as he hates us. But she won't leave. I've tried- for years, James, you have to believe I don't want my Mum to live like this either. But there isn't anything she'll let me do.”

James was touching him, soothing hands on his arms. “I believe you,” he said solemnly. “I know you're more compassionate than you pretend to be.”

That made Severus looked at him in surprise, wondering what James had seen in him that Severus hadn't.

James blew out a sharp breath. “Maybe... when we're older, and able to take care of ourselves. Maybe then she'll accept your help. Maybe she just doesn't want to burden you now.”

Severus shook his head doubtfully, but there was no denying the comfort of the words, so he accepted them.

“I don't feel right about leaving you here, though.”

He felt impatient, but still too hopeful for his future to be very upset. “James, that's not the first time my father has hit me,” he said plainly, and watched with a certain degree of vindicated satisfaction when he saw the dark, murderous look pass over James' face again. “But... it will probably be the last time. There's just a couple of weeks left, and I won't go back after we graduate. I want to go straight to London.” It was hard to say it, but he made the effort. “With you,” he added quickly, and it made the cloud lift from James' face.

He didn't voice his secret fears that their plans to liberate Regulus from the Dark Lord's clutches might end both their lives before they could begin one together. For now, it was enough to believe in James' optimism, and believe in the boy himself.

 

_One year Later_

“Come on, we're christening this place,” James laughed, and pushed Severus until his bum hit the edge of the tiny table. The rickety piece of furniture groaned distressingly when James crowded Severus up closer and he was forced to rest his weight against it.

“We're going to be eating at that table,” he said reproachfully, but James just dove after him.

“Nah, we can't afford to eat,” he said, perfectly cheerful, and managed to capture Severus' mouth. Severus was now significantly taller than James, but when he was half sitting on the table he was just right.

“James, this is disgusting. We should at least clean first.” Severus' palm had landed on something unidentifiable and sticky, and even James' eager mouth could distract him only so much. 

Half an hour later Severus was sitting in the now practically palatial sitting room on a squishy sofa that had been so expertly transfigured by James that it might never revert back to its lowly wooden origins. Severus was feeling domestic in a way he never had before, and particularly pleased and smug. Between his Undetectable Extension Charms and James' expert transfiguration, the flat was now as pleasant and homey as any residence he'd ever lived in. 

“Told you it wouldn't be so bad when we fixed it up,” James said as he came out of the now spotless and roomy kitchen carrying two glasses of what turned out to be champagne.

Severus accepted it with lifted eyebrows (presents from Mr and Mrs Potter, as it turned out) and brought it to his lips, feeling very grown up. They were married and living in their own home, and would begin their new jobs on Monday. It was rather a lot to take in, and he was struggling through the pleasant fog of unreality. It seemed impossible that this could truly be his life. He felt almost as though he'd stolen someone else's rightful place, as though he were an impostor. So many good things just didn't _happen_ to him.

“I have to tell you something,” James said when he'd settled next to him and taken a sip of champagne. 

Severus was instantly on alert, as though he'd been waiting for something bad to happen all along. “What?” 

“Mum and Dad have given us a present, and I intend to accept it, but I don't think you'll like it. But they'd have given it to me anyway, intended to all along, you know, so I don't see why we shouldn't.”

Severus just looked at him blankly, and James rushed on. “It's money, Severus. Not _a lot_ of course, they want us to make our own way in the world, but enough so that we don't actually have to worry about starving or being able to pay our medical bills when you make exploding potions and I get my arse kicked in Auror training. Just until we're actually earning a living wage, anyway.”

Money. Oh. The idea of having so much one could give it away was a bizarre concept. Severus himself had attended Hogwarts largely on the charity of the school, and any pocket money he'd had had been stolen from his father's wallet when he'd been too drunk to know better. The idea of money of his own, to spend on what he wished, made him feel light headed in a way that had nothing to do with the champagne.

Severus opened his mouth to protest- he'd spent a lifetime living off the charity of others- but stopped himself at the last moment. He thought of the way James' parents had shown him such acceptance and love, and knew instinctively that the gift had been made with the purest of motivations. To refuse it wouldn't just be rude, it would be a betrayal of the kindness they'd shown Severus.

“We are not squandering it,” Severus said firmly. “It's for emergencies only. I want us to try to make it on our own. We need to prove that we... know what we're doing, and that we haven't made a mistake.”

It had been James' friends more than Severus' that had been so certain James was throwing his life away, but it had been Severus who had felt the sting the most. He knew almost everyone thought James could do better than him, and a part of him didn't disagree. But he wanted to prove them wrong. He wanted to make James happy, and be the perfect mate for him that James seemed convinced he was.

James' expression of surprise melted into tenderness. “Alright. We'll live like monks. Er, but with more sex and less praying. Speaking of...”

Severus smirked and drained the last of his champagne. He felt light and floaty and happier than he could ever recall feeling. “This is our honeymoon,” he murmured, knowing that despite being unable to go anywhere for a proper honeymoon, James had threatened his friends with death if they interrupted their first weekend of married life.

“We should test the bed, make sure I transfigured it right,” James replied cheekily, and didn't even demure when Severus stood and bent down to kiss his forehead in a condescending manner he adopted when he wished to lord his height over his new husband. 

“Come on, then,” he said primly, and allowed James to escort him into the bedroom. Severus had expanded the room while James had transfigured the flat's furniture into more comfortable and functional configurations. “If our landlord ever visits we're going to be brought in for breaking the Statute of Secrecy,” he teased, but smiled with pleasure when he sat on the mattress and it was firm and supportive instead of the sagging mess it had been before James had taken his wand to it.

“He won't,” James said as he toed off his shoes and then joined Severus on the bed. “Anti Muggle spells. Anytime he comes up he'll get the sudden fear he's left the kettle on.”

“That doesn't sound like you,” Severus said with lifted eyebrows.

James only shrugged and reached over to touch Severus, his palm warm and familiar. “For his own protection.”

Severus was feeling entirely too congenial to protest. The champagne had made him relaxed and fuzzy, and he leaned back on the soft, full pillows and let his limbs drop limply, to let James have his way with him. James took on the role with glee, pulling off clothing and arranging him like a doll against the pillows until he was naked and smiling on the scarlet duvet (he'd had to remember to change that to green later).

“I love you,” he said impulsively, and was perturbed when James stiffened and looked at him with wide eyes. “What?” Severus asked defensively.

James blinked then looked down with a small smile and what might have been a blush, if Severus wasn't imagining it. “It's just- you've never said that.”

“I've told you that before,” he replied, beginning to feel uncomfortable and uncertain.

“No, just like that, I mean. First. Without me saying it first. That's all, I knew you did, it's just... sometimes I wondered if you were just saying it because I did.”

Severus found that he was rather surprised by that. James had always seemed so much more confident about the emotional side of their relationship that he'd never considered that the Gryffindor might have had his own doubts. He reached out and touched James' arm soothingly. 

“I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. I love you.” And he did. Whatever the future might hold, for it was still as opaque to Severus as peering into a stone, he loved James Potter.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series that was never supposed to be a series. At some point I'd like to go back and try to make this more cohesive as a whole. The biggest problem though is I've just lost interest in this project. There's a lot more story that could be told, and one day I might, but as time passes it becomes less and less likely. I didn't want to leave the series without some resolution, however, so I've posted this little epilogue that skates over their 7th year of school, where a lot of the Voldemort action would have taken place. 
> 
> It ends on a hopeful note that's open to interpretation, but my optimistic viewpoint is that things turn out very differently than in the books... as in, fewer characters we love dying. I still think that Harry, the son of Lily and James will be born, but most likely via surrogacy because Severus would probably throw himself off a cliff if James cheated on him with Lily... and Lily loves Severus and I can see her being willing to donate an egg so that he and his husband could have a child or two. Now, does Harry grow up to kill Voldemort or does he get dispatched much earlier? I don't know. I just choose to believe that there will be more happily-ever-afters in this universe. 
> 
> As for Severus and James, I think they'll still argue and have lots of old resentments and such and it might take them many years to get to the point where they have a healthy relationship between both themselves and with the people around them (I'm talking about you, Severus and Sirius!). I hope, and believe, they can get there, though.
> 
> I hope this series has been enjoyed, despite its flaws. Thank you to everyone who has followed it!


End file.
